Really funny story
A friend of mine forwarded this very funny story to me, so i do not know who the author is.he talks of a taser, but it is a stun gun and not a taser. Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this. True story!
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOOCOOL!Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the bluearc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking what I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . .WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative? SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feetor so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe was came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid
Another cool story
This story posted by Chuck last Tuesday:
I got a TASER for my Mom, in her 80's and still driving after the following incident: She was stopped at a light and a man opened the door to her car and got in. He said he wanted to go to somewhere a few miles away. She started screaming and he got out and ran away. Maybe he was just an idiot and not someone intent to harm my Mother, but it scared us both very much. I know she would never be able to shoot and maybe kill someone. And maybe this guy didn't really have intent to harm. We'll never know. But NOW she has a TASER and will be ready if scraming doesn't work next time.
July 22, 2008 5:48 PM
Acute.net
I also want to talk about leaving the
TASER at the scene of the attack!
I heard a discussion where someone was arguing about leaving the
TASER at the scene.
My response is. The reason taser replaces the taser for leaving at the scene is because, if you try taking the taser with you, two things will happen.
- When you attempt to remove the cartridge from taser while it is still working, it will shock you!
- If you succeed in removing the cartridge (which i dought you can), you just shut down the shocking of the attacker and now he is starting to recover and come after again, while you are still fooling around with the taser.
So all and all I suggest folloing the manufacturer design recomendations and use the product to maximize your safety.
And get the hell away from the scene as fast as humanly possible.
Acute.net
Just wanted to share some information about a new product TASER is introducing for Police use.
Introducing the TASER™XREP™ – eXtended Range Electronic Projectile. The XREP projectile is self-contained, wireless, and fires from a 12-gauge shotgun. It delivers the same Neuro Muscular Incapacitation (NMI) bio-effect as our handheld TASER X26 Electronic Control Device (ECD), but can be delivered to a distance of 65 feet (20 meters), combining blunt impact with field-proven TASER NMI.
Looks to be quit an exciting weapon. I can't wait to see what the version for public use turns out to be.
But i guess that is quite a way away.
Acute.net
I just had to put this story right up front. I am sooo! glad Terri came out of this one safe. but boy is this a scary story, just to think about what this durt bag was up to.
This is Terri's story
the reason why I came looking for a Taser! My name is Terri and I went to the movies with a friend, it was the late show in a small theater near the outskirts of town, sort of an industrial area, no residential homes. anyway, we stayed to watch the credits then used the restrooms and ended up being the last people to leave the theater. We had to park so far away from the theater because of all the cars that were there when we first arrived, now, the parking lot was deserted, I think the workers must park in the back. So as we are walking toward the car, a big guy (everyone is big to me : ) started walking out into the parking lot from the side of the building where the alley is, towards our car! We were worried right away because there were no other cars out there, just ours and so there was no reason for him to be walking out there! we kept walking and started trying to figure out what to do, should we run to the locked car? should we run back to the locked doors of the building? Should we try and call the police? I snuck my cell-phone out of my purse and tried to feel for the numbers to call 911, I did not want him to see what I was doing and I think I ended up dialing 622 instead of 911! So we ended up making it to the car, I started to put my keys into it and suddenly he put his hand on the crack of the top of my door and kept me from opening it! I just stood there, scared and he asked what movie we saw, if we liked it, did we get popcorn or candy bars and other stupid questions, the whole time I just stood there, keys in the door, staring at my car window and he kept asking stupid questions. Then he reached out and touched my shoulder where my purse strap was and I almost started screaming at the top of my lungs but just then MY GIRLFRIEND says to him "back the hell up before I drop you on this pavement"
We both slowly turned to look at her and she stood there, glaring at him with a small black and silver "thing" in her hand. she pointed it at him menacingly and again told him he better get going. He started to say something about "that's not a stun gun" when she said "boy, I am about to put 40 thousand volts of electricity into you and when you wake up, you will already be cuffed in the back of the police car" she told me to hold up my phone and in a timid voice I told him I had dialed 911 when we first saw him. He took another look at us and the item in her hand and he took off running and was gone by the time I started breathing! We both jumped in the car and got out of there so fast, that was certainly the most scared I ever remember being! When we got home, she showed me her "stun gun". It was her cell phone, with a lighter pressed against it at the bottom... I am not sure how she pulled it off, but she did. Her just pretending to have a stun gun gave her more confidence than I ever saw her have before. Now I am convinced that I need to have one. a REAL one. I do NOT want to be a victim, next time I will be prepared.Terri
